dah or nyet

I have not raised enough funds at this point to go to Ukraine.  With that being the catalyst causing me to wonder whether or not I should make this potentially exhausting trip, I have begun the intense process of deciding if God has other plans this Christmas/winter season.  So, here goes.

Pros for going to Ukraine:
1.  I get to see many of the people I miss every day I live and breath.
2.  I get the opportunity to bring warmth, love, and cheer to "kids" who otherwise may not have any of those three things.
3.  I get to see the beauty of that overlooked, intriguing country and stretch my sheltered American mind.
4.  Borscht--'nough said
5.  I would have more insight into a country I am interested in living in for possibly a year or two someday.

Pros for staying in the states:
1.  I'd save a boat load of money.  This aspect is crucial to this being a God thing.  If it is not, I should not spend loan money to go to another country.
2.  I'd be able to be more available for others here during a school break.  I miss investing more in my friends.
3.  I'd be able to go home for the holidays!  And, give my family decent gifts for the first time in two years!
4.  I would be forced to wait patiently until God wants me to visit the kids again and prepare my heart for summer camp next summer.  I'd probably be more excited about summer camp!  (it's one of those things; kinda of need to forget how hard it is in order to be excited about going back :)
5.  My tailbone wouldn't be protesting.  I damaged it in May (cliff jumping with bad form--imagine that!) and sitting more than 2 hours is quite awful.  One flight alone is 7-8 hours.

I think you all know what I'm going to say next.  I'm praying about it.  I firmly believe that I'll be directed and that whatever happens is what God wants because His will cannot be thwarted.  The problem is living out this belief and not letting emotions (which cannot be trusted) and doubts cloud my mind with confusion, guilt, and all that jazz.  I need to be fully invested in wherever I am.  That's hard enough for me, anyway.

The all too familiar Proverbs 5:6 applies here.

 Let not mercy and ^atruth forsake thee: ^bbind them about thy neck; write them upon the ^ctable of thine ^dheart:

 4 So shalt thou find ^afavour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.

 5 ¶^aTrust in the Lord with all thine ^bheart; and lean not unto thine^cown ^dunderstanding.

 6 In all thy ways ^aacknowledge him, and he shall ^bdirect thy^cpaths.

"In all thy ways" is the hard part.  If you think of it, please pray that I accept whatever He has and roll with the punches!  Because, either way, this is going to stretch me!