So, the highlight of my life most recently has been receiving a bulky letter in the mail from two of my favorite girls. Alina and Yuliya are best friends. I'm really glad they have each other. They told me they are in their last year in school (they are 16) and that they want to go to trade school. I know that Yuliya wants to cut hair and already does so for her friends. They love to dance, sing, sew, and draw. They also love popular American music and movies. That seems to be a similar thread throughout the country in general. They both told me they love me very much (but, of course.) and that they think I am very fun and interesting. (Val and Heather had a hard time deciphering the word. "spunky" was another translation. ) They begged me to come to camp again next year. Little do they know; I'm going in January!!! :) I just wish there were a way I could tell them easily. I'm in the process of Val translating me another letter (poor Val--some days, he probably wishes he didn't know Russian) that will hopefully reach them in time. It will be very difficult for me if they have family they go see for the holidays and are not there when I am in their very city and orphanage. But, I should be thankful (in that situation) that they have family to see! There are several other kids I would absolutely love to see, though, so no matter what, it will be worth the trip. I am very thankful for the support I have raised and for the people who are so generous and who truly care about this portion of my life. Words can't express how I feel when I open a hand-addressed envelope to find support and an encouraging letter offering prayer and wisdom!
On the other hand, as many of you may know, I've been struggling vehemently against myself lately. I find myself being incredibly self-centered, cynical, participating in things I have convictions against, and have really fallen into a basic lack of motivation that happens when I start losing hope. Yeah, this is getting deep, so if you can't handle it, stop reading. I need people to pray for me. I need people to lift me up so that I can also be someone who lifts others up. I need to be restored (for the millionth time) in my mind. I hate myself when I am living out of a dark place in my mind. There are so many factors of this. I won't go into them because that's a little too complainy and whiney. Just please pray that I can be renewed in my mind and my heart. Because like this, I am of little use to anyone. Not even myself. Thank you, friends. Pray for our beloved Ukrainian kids, too. We are all getting pretty stoked for this trip!
Some days, I just long for heaven. I lay down to sleep and my mind creates photographic moments of utter innocence, beauty that never dies, and a complete lack of darkness and monotony. I've always admired flying creatures. It seems they can quite literally rise above all of this, spread their wings, and be in a better place by morning. I'm so very jealous.
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