killin' the blues

I've got John Prine on repeat up in here.  :)  It's a fitting song for the beautiful, cloudy day outside with leaves changing colors and floating to the ground.. always makes me nostalgic for my childhood on the farm. 

I'm very thankful I have some fun adventures planned for life during the next few months because waiting for our short time in Ukraine will be difficult.  I feel like God is teaching me how to wait these days.  It is indeed "the hardest part", but it truly builds character and teaches a person so much about themselves..  I've never been one to wait on anything; this shows up in my life in various ways.  That's why I struggle with over-eating, job-disatisfaction, and why I struggled with much bigger vices and depression in the past.  Because I always want what I want RIGHT NOW.  But, there is no beauty in that!  And, I've discovered (much to my delight) that waiting on the Lord is an awesome process that never disappoints me.  And, His ways are so much more adventurous; you have to let go of fear.  You have to plunge into the great unknown trusting that "either something will be there to catch you, or you will be taught to fly."  Quite frankly, I'd like to be taught to fly.  =) 

Seeing the kids on video at the dinner for Oleg and Lena Vasilevsky last Friday tore me up in ways I'm sure only my fellow teammates could understand.  I have photos of Yuliya, Tonya, Andre, Ruslan, and Alina all over my apartment.  But seeing them in motion...  I must get back to them soon.  Oh, Lord guard my fragile heart.  I want to return to them full of life, passion, and joy.  As someone who easily reverts back to the negative, I will need You in this process; in this journey.  Like my pastor said on Sunday, "Audacious HOPE is different from optimism.  Optimism keeps doing the same things, trodding along believing that eventually things will change for the better.  Fake smiles.  Putting on an act for other people.  HOPE is having the courage to act when doubt is warranted."  Admitting you don't have it all together, but trusting GOD does.  It's the difference between faith and reason.  Call me crazy, but I'd rather have faith.