Saturday

Oh, how I love fall in Tennessee.  It's a little more gradual than up north and just beautiful.  I do miss the cornfields and wide open spaces in Illinois sometimes...  I'm going home in a couple weeks to spend some quality time with family and head to Chicago with my mom!  Can't wait!

I have been praying so much for this coming trip in January that I've been dreaming about the kids almost as much as I was when we returned from camp in July.  There are so many uncertainties with this trip; the extreme weather and travel, the possibility of being turned away at the orphanage door(s), our reactions to the quality of life these kids endure on a daily basis, and the possibility that some of them will not be there when we come to see them.  It just always comes back to the same thing:  It's not in my control and nothing I do now will change the outcome.  This is actually a very beautiful thing.  It makes the journey of life more mysterious, adventurous, and exciting!  I love the knowledge (that comes from experience) that God can be trusted.  That, no matter what things look like, He is always working.  It sounds like Christianese when you haven't experienced it over time, but to me, it's moving, freeing, and awesome.  He loves those kids.  He has put us in their lives.  We don't know what will unfold, but He does.  So, staying close to Him (and He ensures that happens) is the remedy for my fears.

I am already needing to trust Him for my support, for other people's reactions to me needing support, and of course to sustain me through every day I struggle against my mental problems, my addictions, and my selfish nature.  Sustainment; getting just what you need for the time being.  That is also comforting to me.  I don't need anything more.  I'm learning to truly be content with wherever I am and whatever I have.  (Key word in that sentence being "learning."  ;)  This world is temporary and only what is done for Christ matters.  Nothing else.  ....That makes me wish I were doing more.  Like, quitting my job and being a hobo for Jesus.  :)  Yeah.  Not gonna happen.  ;)

I hope and pray I can see my Yuliya and the rest of the Lions in January.  And, that if I don't for some reason, that I will respond graciously.  And, continue to trust God.